i spent christmas day alone. often when someone hears this i get a response of surprise or sympathy. it's not as bad as it sounds - for the past few years i've spent the run up to the day itself visiting friends and loved ones and having lots of little "mini-xmas" celebrations. then i work through the night during the main holidays.
but in a way, it's not entirely true to say i spent christmas day alone. and this isn't a conclusion i reached through my own deduction.
i always enjoy chanting the nembutsu wasan. i can't say i manage to mirror the rythms or tones when doing this alone as opposed to with the samgha but nonetheless my mind is often made to calm and settle reciting it.
it was during this time on xmas day that quite unexpectedly a surge of joy sprang up in my heart as i continued to chant....namu amida bu, namu amida bu.... my mind turned to reflect on my walking the path of Buddhadharma through all these years and memories old and new of friends and loved ones arose with vivid clarity. a deep sense of gratitude for all that has been done for me and the feeling that all these loved ones were knelt by my side at that moment enveloped me.
so i can not say that i was alone. it just isn't true.
and this in turn has got me to thinking about the
haiku by Bassho. picture the scene - stood at the edge of Japan, where the land runs into the sea. snow falls silently and all is still, as if the whole world is holding its breath. suddenly, the cry of wild duck shatters the silence. the poet is reminded that he is not alone.
it doesn't take a huge leap to see the cry of the wild duck as the call of the nembutsu, reaching out across the darkening sea of our hearts, always letting us know that Amida is there embracing us. reminding us we are not alone.
namu amida butsu
