anger and the nembutsu

Taitetsu Unno in River of Fire, River of Water tells a wonderful story about his grandmother, a devout nembutsu-sha. answering a call one afternoon, the young Taitetsu hears her arguing angrily with a gentleman on the doorstep. after a while the door slams shut and his grandmother returns "huffing and puffing". the man in question, it transpires, goes around conning the elderly out of their money. she is furious and calls him a beast (perhaps the worst insult in Japanese, with its lack of profanity). what happens next though is that namu amida butsu immediately spills from her lips. the story can be found on p.176 for those interested, i only provide a shoddy re-telling as it raises something that's been on my mind for a week or two now.

it's easy to be grateful when happy or even when sad, then quiet naturally the nembutsu finds itself on my lips. but in the heat of the moment, when coming up against a person who annoys or infuriates me (and really just serves as a mirror for my own blind passions) then the mind of thankfulness for the Vow is seemingly nowhere to be found. Amida appears as far away from me as can be.

but really, i guess that's why they're called blind passions because of course - My eyes being hindered by blind passions, I cannot perceive the light that grasps me; Yet the great compassion, without tiring, Illumines me always.

always. and it's that same great compassion that allows me to acknowledge my anger, even if sometimes long after it has subsided, say "sorry" and move forward, entrusting all - happiness, sadness and yes, anger - to Amida.

namu amida butsu