Bullshit...

last week, whilst browsing the mighty internets i came across the following joke - What's the difference between a Buddhist and a non-Buddhist? A Buddhist knows there is none. a brief smile, but then i got to thinking about it a little bit more and something began to bug me. of course, jokes aren't meant to be taken seriously but i saw no good reason why that should stop me so let's plunge forward...

first off, i'm not sure how true it really is. we'd like to be able to say "i know there's no difference between you and me" but speaking for myself here, i bloody love the label of "Buddhist". i don't approach it as some kind of evangelical trip (at least, god, i hope i don't but then maybe some of my friends might say otherwise) but i make no qualms about hiding the fact. in a sense there's nothing wrong with that - anything which plays a big part in who we are in life  then we'd naturally want to share with those close to us. but "Buddhist" can be just another identity we construct for ourselves, one of several we take out of the bag depending on the occassion. so what's supposed to guide us towards some truth instead becomes another cloak of misdirection. and boy, i sure do love my Buddhist identity! it's much more appealing than shedding all these illusory constructs and standing naked and ugly.

the second thing which got me is how contradictory such a joke is in its tone of smarmy elitism - "oh poor unenlightened fools, they think there is a difference whereas i, uber-compassionate bodhisattva wonderman know there is none". let's be clear about this, as Buddhists we're not smarter, not more loving or compassionate, not wiser, not less attached, not more immune to fucking up on numerous occassions. to think so is bullshit. even the things i'd be tempted to pin a difference on - awareness of impermanence, awareness of suffering, perhaps some insight into the cause of suffering - aren't certainties. what is certain is that there are non-Buddhists out there who - gasp! - are far more Buddhist than me. about all i can say with any confidence then, is that just like anyone else i don't want to suffer but as a Buddhist i believe the Buddha taught a way to free oneself from such and on the rare occassions i'm on the ball, i try to be mindful of and implement his teachings.

all this ties in with the issue of honesty, which has somewhat been on my mind of late. the problem with prior reflections is that i'd been bemoaning a lack of honesty in our encounters with ourselves on the Dharma path and subsequently somewhat unintentionally constructed this ideal of the ubermensch to aspire to and become. when we get down to it though, each person comes to the Dharma with their own history, their own problems and their own hang-ups. in bemoaning that someone may struggle to confront themselves "as they are", i'm really just expecting them to live up to the nonsensical ideal i've foisted upon myself. worse, i'm ignoring the real value that can lie in the struggle. far better to quit all the bullshit, welcoming and accepting others for who they are just as i have been myself. Amida's Vow is non-descriminating.

namu amida butsu 

But, what can you do about your suffering?

‎"The more we allow ourselves to be the servants of having, the more we shall let ourselves fall prey to the gnawing anxiety which having involves"

- Gabriel Marcel

every once in a while the feeling that i've gorged myself at the great dining table of materialism until my sides are fit to burst overtakes the desire and craving which, until this point, has driven me forward. i will stand in that modern cathedral - the retail outlet, money in my pocket, craving still present...and yet, i literally can not be bothered. a mixture of apathy and nausea to the whole process kicks in and i walk out, pockets empty, having failed my capitalist masters.
the real sickness though isn't the nausea i feel at those times towards the process. it's that i can actually afford to be stood in that store in the first place, and reach a stage where ultimately my apathy stems from over-consumption. the fact of it is that i simply don't know and never have known what it truly is to need something, to live hand-to-mouth worrying about how you're going to make it through the next day or even next hour.

we can dress it up as a modern problem by referring to it exclusively as consumerism and mention that society is precisely geared towards this mode of work,consumption, death, ad infinatum. certainly it's a valid point and one i could blather on about quite happily for hours (to no real avail, point or purpose other than liking the sound of my own voice) but of course we know the problem lies deeper than just product consumption. i think ultimately we're all just so busy running around looking to fill the empty gap in our lives - be it through products, drugs, sex, whatever - that we never pause and take stock to realise the ephemeral and fleeting nature of it all. we grasp and it's gone and we carry on blindly.

i think Marcel's quote nails it succinctly on the head - there's a gnawing anxiety, not only in the delusion that we don't have enough or that what we do have we must protect and defend (and herein lies the distinct disadvantage of private property - Proudhon knew all too well "property is theft"), but crucially in the deep down knowledge we like to mask and shout over that none of it actually ever succeeds in filling that gap.

if we're asking how to break free of such a servitude though, i think further comments from Kiyozawa hold sway paticularly for the nembutsu-sha -

"Demand not. Seek not. What discontentment can you possibly have? If you are discontent, isn't that a sign of distrust? Hasn't Heaven endowed you with all you need? Even if you feel that endowment falls short of your needs, can you find contentment in anything other than what Heaven has decreed? If you suffer from feelings of discontentment, you must further cultivate yourself  so that you may learn to be content with the Mandate of Heaven. It is base to demand from others. It is servile to seek in others. That is to despise the endowment of Heaven. Certainly, the Mandate of Heaven is unaffected by your ingratitude. But, what can you do about your suffering?"

- this opens up a whole other dimension because i believe Kiyozawa isn't just referring here to the material but also to the spiritual. it's not only in our wordly life that desire and attachment dominate as habitual tendencies, but are also carried over into our spiritual life (although i acknowledge the dichotomy between the two is an ill-founded one). attainments, progression, favour with the teacher, praise...all of these blind us to what Dharma can and does give us freely, beyond such petty chasings after. but that perhaps, is another topic for another post.

namu amida butsu

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